Tango Etiquette

Practicas and Milongas have codigos or rules for etiquette! These are the important ones.

The Cabeceo

The cabeceo is an invitation to ask someone to dance with us. It’s typically considered rude to go up to someone and ask them to dance using speech or by extending your hand.

  • A cabeceo is first initiated by making eye contact (mirada) with the person you want to ask and once you have eye contact, then nodding with your head towards the dance floor.
  • They can choose to accept (by nodding up/down or towards the dance floor) or decline (by looking away, or shaking their head or their hands).
  • Once the person accepts, the leader walks over to where the follower is sitting and then both people step onto the dance floor together.
  • Tip for Followers: wait to get up from your seat until the leader is directly in front of you as occasionally it happens that they may have cabeceo’d with someone else next to you. This video illustrates this point.
  • For examples, search “Tango cabeceo” videos on YouTube.

When the dance begins

  1. Never walk through the dance floor once people have started dancing. Always walk around the edge of the dance floor when walking around the room.
  2. When you dance with someone, you commit to finishing the tanda (the set of 4 songs) with them; please don’t end early unless you are very uncomfortable dancing with that person.
  3. A milonga is to enjoy dancing. It is not the place to get feedback or give feedback; that is what Practicas are for. Never give feedback or advice in a milonga.

Tip: If you’re a newbie sometimes a good strategy is to cabeceo on the third or fourth song in the tanda. You’ll find that more followers will be happy to dance with an early stage beginner for just one or two songs rather than for a whole tanda.

Check this out for the longer, comprehensive etiquette list – for both Followers and Leaders. Everyone must read this complete list.

Also, ask your teacher(s) for more information on the codigos, especially for the specific Milongas that you are interested in going to.

Note: The codigos vary by Milonga, with some being more strict than others.

How To Get More Dances

Getting Dances, especially as a Beginner or a Foreigner, can be very challenging. Here are some tips to increase your chances for getting more dances:

  • It is far easier to get dances at Practicas rather than Milongas, especially for beginners. At Practicas, people go to Practice and will dance with people of all levels. At Milongas, people go to enjoy the depth of the dance and tend to be more selective about who they dance with.
  • Dress for Success! Unfortunately, the reality is that people evaluate us in Tango based on how we look and dress if they don’t know us. Taking care to dress well, including wearing nice dancing shoes, and having good personal grooming impresses people and is a signal that we are more serious about dancing Tango.
  • Do not wear any strong perfume or cologne.
  • If you don’t get a dance during the first song of the tanda, don’t start using your phone or get busy talking with your friends. Getting a dance during the second song is still a good opportunity. Continue looking around to make eye contact.
  • We often consciously and subconsciously evaluate someone’s body language before deciding to dance with them. Some simple things:
    • Do not have your arms folded and/or hunched down – this implies you’re closed.
    • Some Tango dancers adopt a serious look, others a more happy look while looking around for cabeceo and either works. But a super sad or angry face probably will not.
    • Sit upright with good posture.
    • Do not use your phone during the cortina; look around for cabaceo.
  • Sit, and preferably stand, in a central area where more people can see you and make eye contact with you. Sitting in the corner or edges of the room is more challenging to be seen for cabeceo.
  •  If you are a follower, try not to sit with a group of other followers. It’s harder for a leader to make eye contact with just one person while looking in the direction of a group. Mistakes happen too often and it’s embarrassing for the leader.
  • When a new tanda (set of songs) starts, people will look around to cabeceo with others. A great posture, open body language (don’t have your arms crossed, etc), and looking up and around actively to make eye contact will result in more dances. Standing up and looking around increases your chances for eye contact.
  • Start your mirada/cacabceo as soon as the last tanda ends – the time during the cortina is the best time to look for someone to dance with. Do not wait until the first song in the tanda has started. Don’t be busy using your phone or chatting with your friends during the entire cortina, and even during the first and second songs as those are still times to find a partner.
  • Go to the group class at the start of the milonga to meet people with whom you can dance with once the milonga starts.
  • Start a conversation with people, especially if you’re sitting nearby, that you’d like to dance with. They’re more likely to dance with you if they’ve talked with you.
  • Go earlier – less experienced people tend to go to Milongas & Practicas earlier, while more experienced dancers go later.
  • If you’re a beginner level leader and getting dances is challenging, one strategy is to wait until the 3rd or 4th song and then ask. This minimizes the risk for followers and they’re more likely to say yes to dancing with a beginner for 3-6 minutes, instead of 12 minutes.
  • The dress code at certain Milongas, especially traditional ones at La Nacional, and Salon Marabu, tends to be more formal. The dress code at Practicas is more casual. Tip: if in doubt, look at the Hoy Milonga page as they often have pictures and videos, or search Facebook and YouTube for photos of that milonga/practica, or just ask in The TangoVida Lounge.
  • Check out the list of “Events particularly friendly to dancers of all levels” in the Milongas page.

If you are nervous about dancing at a Milonga, we highly recommend hiring a Taxi Dancer to help you get used to the real world higher pressure environment.

Tip: a great resource on how to get more dances – Dimitris Bronowski sent a questionnaire to over 16,000 social Tango dancers and asked them how they choose with whom to dance in a milonga. He used the results to create an online course on how to get more dances in a milonga. Followers can discover secrets of the dance floor that other followers might need decades to discover. The course normally costs 97 Euro, but he gave free access to the members of TangoVida. What you need to do if you are interested:

 

  1. Subscribe to TheCuriousTanguero.com newsletter
  2. Respond to the first email telling him you are a member of TangoVida and that you want access to the course

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